Attitude is Everything: Opportunity is Everywhere

BlindScentz #34

Edwina Nearhood

In September 2022, I had a heart transplant. When I woke twelve days later, I discovered that my optic nerve had been permanently damaged during the transplant due to low blood flow for an extended period. I would never again see the light of day.

Do not get me wrong as I tell this story. I have navigated a huge adjustment that included grief and learning how to move through the world as a blind person. My recovery was arduous, and I spent an extended period in bed. As a result, I lost all my muscle. My son happened to be with me the day I had my first physiotherapy session to help me stand up on my own. The task felt insurmountable, and, frustrated, I said, “I can’t do it!” Bless my son, who reminded me of some of my past parenting when he said, “Not with an attitude like that!”

He was so right. I decided then and there to add three little letters: Y E T. Not yet. That little exercise helped me reset my attitude. As every athlete knows, attitude is everything. Whether you think you can or cannot, you are right.

My son reminded me that day of the gift I was given; the next task was to find the opportunities for room to grow. It has been an intensive period since late 2022, with every day offering another opportunity for room to grow.

I first had to navigate grief, and from that came much personal growth. I learned to recognize that when people were uncertain or uncomfortable interacting with a blind person, that was their discomfort. I had to learn how not to take their discomfort on as my own. I got to discover where their discomfort ended and mine began. The greatest lesson blindness has taught me is boundaries on so many levels. Physical boundaries, identified by my cane, keep me safe. Emotional boundaries, identified by my feelings, keep me present. Connecting with my feelings and body has taught me how to take time each day to nourish my body, mind, and breath.

How often every day do we push our feelings and emotions aside? How often do we disconnect or dissociate from the circumstances before us? How often do we feel unheard, or not hear others around us? I still fall into old habits of not listening to my body, and as a result, my body has a stress reaction and begins to yell at me. When I take time each day, and sometimes each moment, to nourish and digest what is happening, it keeps my homeostasis in a balanced state. When I am balanced, I feel calm and peaceful. When I am unbalanced, I notice anxiety, stress, and a fight-or-flight response. I also notice my want or need to fill a hole brought on by the disconnect. Filling holes for me in the past has looked like many things, such as being very, very busy, comfort eating, helping everyone else, and doom scrolling, to name a few.

Back to my title. Opportunity is everywhere. I have found so much room to grow in so many ways. I have found the opportunity to see the world through new eyes. The opportunity to not take others’ experiences personally, and to understand that their experience is a reflection of them and not mine. The opportunity to find the kindness of people in my life. The opportunity to share this wonderful gift of borrowed time, offered up because one donor family said yes to organ donation at the same time they said goodbye to their loved one.

Attitude is everything. Opportunity is everywhere.

Edwina Nearhood is a long-time Fort St. John resident sharing her vision loss journey. Please remember, every person’s vision loss experience is as unique as they are.